


Fruitcake and Eggnog

by xtremeroswellian



Series: 12 Days of Christmas - Third Watch (2004) [11]
Category: Third Watch
Genre: Christmas, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian
Summary: Cowritten with NYPDBosco, who doesn't have an account here.Sometimes even "serious" writers need to break loose sometimes and just...go with the flow. Much like last years' "Figgy Pudding" this is a story without much for plot. It's meant to make you chuckle...well, hopefully you will. It's a little off the wall, but enjoy
Relationships: Maurice Boscorelli/Faith Yokas
Series: 12 Days of Christmas - Third Watch (2004) [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761361
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Fruitcake and Eggnog

Faith glanced around Haggerty's, wondering why she'd decided to join the others for the unofficial gathering on Christmas Eve. Then she remembered: she had nowhere else to be. The kids were spending Christmas with Fred and she was spending it by herself. Perfectly good reason to go to a bar and get trashed safely among friends. Some woman was crooning a depressing Christmas song on the jukebox, and while her friends and colleagues seemed to be having fun, she was a detective with one purpose that night: to get totally and completely wasted so she could forget about her sorry excuse for a soon-to-be-ex-husband and miserable life. She waltzed up to the bar, and placed an order for a tequila when the door swung open and she glanced over, more than a little shocked to see Bosco standing in the doorway.

Bosco pulled off his stocking cap and shoved it in his jacket pocket. As he stood looking around the bar he took off his gloves and put them in his other pocket. He hadn't planned on coming tonight, but when Davis had called and bugged him about making an appearance to prove to everyone he was still alive he decided he might as well. It was better than what he'd had planned...which was nothing.

Faith stared at him for a moment, then jumped slightly when the bartender set her tequila down on the bar in front of her.

"Can I get you anything else?" He asked.

"I'll let you know."

"Just holler."

She nodded, not taking her eyes off Bosco as she took a sip of her drink.

He groaned inwardly as Davis approached him, then put on a fake smile as they shook hands. "Hey, Davis."

"Glad you made it." Davis grinned at him. "Welcome to the celebration."

Bosco pressed his lips together and nodded his head. "What are we celebrating?" He questioned, only half kidding. Christmas didn't seem like a decent enough reason to celebrate, however, if celebrating Christmas meant he could belly up to the bar he was all for it.

"Christmas," he replied, giving Bosco a strange look.

"Oh, right." Bosco raised his eyebrows, giving Davis a funny look.

He shook his head slightly. "Yokas is at the bar. Staring at you, if you hadn't noticed."

"She is?" He quickly turned to look. "I didn't tell her I was coming."

"Which is probably why she's staring."

"I'll catch you later, Davis," he told the other officer before making his way over to the bar.

"Yeah, later." Davis shook his head and turned away, disappearing into the crowd.

"It's not polite to stare, ya know," he said lightly as he sat on the barstool next to Faith.

"I didn't know you were coming."

"I hadn't really planned on it, but Davis called me like a thousand times to see if I was coming. The only way to get him to stop calling was to agree to come," he informed her.

"You could've unplugged the phone," she pointed out.

"Dammit! You're right."

If he hadn't looked so upset, she would've laughed at him. "Come on. I'll buy you a drink."

"I've been lookin' forward to this moment," he told her. "I haven't had a pain pill all day just so I could have a few drinks."

"Drinks are good." She turned back to the bar. "What do you want?"

"Bourbon," he answered without hesitation. "And lots of it."

"Bartender, bourbon. Keep it coming for my friend here. And...I'll have another one of these." She held up her empty tequila glass.

"Yes ma'am." He quickly went about fixing their drinks.

"I didn't know you were gonna be here tonight."

"Would you still have come if you knew I was?" she asked, not looking at him.

His eyes narrowed. "What kinda question is that?"

"An honest one."

"And here's an honest answer. Yes. I still would have come. In fact, I would have been more likely to tell Davis that if he'd told me you'd be here."

"Really?" She turned her head to look at him, cautious hopefulness in her eyes.

"Yeah." He nodded his head. "I've hardly seen you since that day you stopped by the hospital."

She was about to answer when the bartender set their drinks down in front of them. "Thanks." She picked up her glass, tilted it toward him, then took a long drink.

"You might wanna slow down," Bosco told her as he picked up his drink. "Or at least let me catch up."

"Better hurry up then," she said lightly, though she wasn't really kidding.

With a small smile on his face he lifted his glass to his lips and took a long drink. He closed his eyes as the liquor burned on its way down. "I haven't had a drink in far too long," he said softly as he looked at his glass.

"Well, you've come to the right place."

"Ya think?" He asked with a lopsided grin.

She grinned back. "Definitely." She downed the rest of her drink and ordered another.

Bosco finished the rest of his drink as well and held up two fingers, informing the bartender he wanted two more instead of just one. He had catching up to do. "Do we have a designated driver?"

Faith shrugged and glanced over her shoulder. "Take your pick."

Drink in hand he spun around on his stool and leaned his back against the bar. "I pick....Yellow Cab. I'm not about to have one of these yahoos drive me home after I get lit and have them give me the third degree about how I need to take care of myself cause I just got outta the hospital."

"Fair enough. Big yellow taxi it is."

He took another long drink then spun back around, and rested his arms on the bar. "So...we're plannin' on gettin' toasted?"

"That's my plan," she informed him, nodding.

"And it's such a great plan I'm gonna copy it."

"Excellent." She grinned and drank down her most recent glass of tequila.

"This holiday spirit and Christmas cheer shit is way overrated," he told her before downing his bourbon and picking up the next one. "Have a holly jolly Christmas my ass."

"You said it. Christmas sucks." She ordered a shot of bourbon for herself, making a face as she drank it down.

He chuckled. "Don't like bourbon?"

"It's an acquired taste."

"I've acquired it," he said with a grin, lifting his glass to his lips.

She smirked and ordered another.

"What's the game plan? We eatin' anything or just drinkin'?

"Well, the thing is, I'm not hungry."

"Just thirsty, right? -Real- thirsty."

"Exactly." She smiled and managed not to make a face as she drank the second shot of bourbon.

He laughed at the look of concentration on her face. "If you're gonna get drunk you should drink something you enjoy," he told her with a smile.

"Good point." She looked at the bartender, already beginning to feel a little tipsy. "Vodka on the rocks, please."

"Make it two," Bosco informed him after finishing the last of his bourbon and setting the glass down on the bar none to gently.

The bartender eyed them warily, but made their drinks and set them down in front of them.

Bosco pulled his drink closer to him and chuckled.

"What?"

He looked over at her. "It's been so long...I'm already feelin' buzzed."

She gave him a lopsided grin. "Me too," she admitted, taking a sip of the vodka.

"This is great," he grinned.

"Oh yeah." She paused, glancing at him. "You gonna hold my hair if I puke later?"

"Only if you hold mine," he told her with a laugh.

She chuckled. "I hate havin' puke in my hair."

"Puke in hair. Not good."

"Definitely not good. Vodka is good, though." She took a long drink.

"Mmmhmm." He took a drink and spotting Davis walking up to the bar he turned toward him. "Davis! Merry F'ing Christmas, man!"

Davis raised his eyebrows. "You been here, what? Five minutes? And you're already hammered?"

Bosco laughed, a mischievous look in his eyes. "Isn't life great?"

"Oh, yeah. It's a wonderful life," he mumbled, shaking his head.

"I owe you -big- time, man. Big time." He took a drink. "You were totally right. I needed to get out and let everyone know I'm all right."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"What? You don't think I'm all right? Faith thinks I am. Right, Faith?"

"Huh?" She looked at him blankly.

"Davis doesn't think I'm all right."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "You're not?"

He chuckled. "I'll tell you who's not all right though," he said to Davis.

"Her?"

"No you idiot. Monroe."

"Tell me something I -didn't- know."

"Did you know that....Sasha got run over by a reindeer," he sang offkey.

Faith couldn't suppress a giggle. "Walkin' home from our house Christmas Eve."

"You can say there's no such thing as Santa," he continued. "But as for me and Yokas we believe."

"Oh, boy," Davis mumbled. "I think you two have had enough alcohol for the week."

"Never!"

"I'm goin' by Mitchell now," she informed him, slugging his arm lightly.

He rubbed his arm as he looked at her. "Should we sing it again? Promise I'll get it right."

"Nah...let's sing somethin' else...I don't believe in reindeer."

His face sobered slightly. "You don't?"

"No. I've never seen any."

"Then how'd Sasha get those hoof prints on her forehead?"

She frowned. "Flying horses?"

Bosco shrugged. "Hey bartender!"

The bartender looked up from the want ads. "What?"

"You got eggnog?"

"You really think you need eggnog on top of bourbon and vodka?"

"More bourbon then?"

He hesitated a moment, then shrugged. "Sure." He poured them another couple shots of bourbon.

"Sucker," Bosco said as the guy walked away.

She giggled again. "Hey, Boz."

"Yeah?"

"I got a song."

"Sing it."

Grinning, she took a quick drink. "Finney's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

He was quiet for a moment, pondering. "Jack Frost ripping off his nose."

Faith snorted, spilling a little of her drink on the bar. "Shit."

"That's alcohol abuse," Bosco told her with a slight slur as he grabbed a napkin.

She frowned. "You gonna 'rest me?"

"Lady, I'm too arrest you to drunk."

"Good." She picked up her drink and downed the rest of it. "Hey, you remember last year when Cruz's tongue got stuck to that pole?"

"Hard to forget." His eyebrows furrowed. "Is she still stuck there?"

"That's what I was wonderin'. Cause at the end of that story it said she was still stuck there til next year..."

"Maybe we should go see."

"Nah." She shrugged. "I don't remember what pole she was stuck to."

He nodded his head before taking another drink.

"Yokas, Bosco." Sully nodded at them as he made his way up to the bar.

"John! Merry F'ing Christmas, buddy!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Same to ya. I'll have a bloody Mary. Virgin," he told the bartender.

Bosco chuckled, and elbowed Faith. "Did you hear that?"

"Ow." She looked at him. "Did he just order a Virgin Mary?"

"Yup." He nodded his head and couldn't stop himself as he continued to laugh. His eyes watered and he wrapped his arms around his stomach. "It shakes when I laugh...like a bowl full of jelly."

"Somebody call the loony bin," Sully mumbled as he got his drink and headed away.

When he finally stopped laughing he looked over at Faith. "We should dance."

"I don't dance."

"Why not?"

"Because..." She searched for the words. "My feet are both left."

He looked down at her feet.

"See!"

"Weird."

"Told you so."

"So whadda we do now?" He asked as he downed what was left of his next drink.

She shrugged. "Beats me." She tilted her head to the side for no apparent reason.

"We should go somewhere."

"Where?"

"Your place."

"Why? What's there?" she asked in confusion. "I mean, besides my furniture?"

"Do we need anything else?"

"Vodka."

"You don't have any?"

"I can't remember."

"Let's go check."

She shrugged and slid off the bar stool, nearly falling to the floor. "Okay."

He laughed as he reached out to steady her, though he wasn't of any help.

"Don't get hit by any reindeer!" Davis called after them as they made their way out of the bar.

Bosco turned and waved. "No such thing!"

"There is too," he replied.

He rolled his eyes then stumbled outside after Faith. "Davis must be drunk."

"Must be." She blinked at the bright lights all around. "Damn. It's bright out here."

"Cold too." He stopped walking and pulled out his stocking cap and gloves.

"We should go see Santa."

"Santa?"

"Yeah...that guy that brings presents to people."

"I'm gonna ask 'im for bottle a bourbon."

"I'm gonna ask him for a new husband," she informed him.

He looked at her, a wide grin on his face. "Brilliant idea!"

She grinned. "You think so?"

Bosco nodded quickly. "And maybe that snowman dressed up like Parson Brown will do the job when he's in town," he chuckled.

"Yeah, but...where'm I gonna find a new husband?"

"Me. I'll marry you."

"You?" Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at him, blinking when she saw two of him instead of just one.

"Why the hell not?" He slurred, a smile on his face.

"Well...which one of you do I marry?"

"What?"

"Which one of you am I marryin'?" She shook her head, now seeing three of him.

"There's only one of me," he informed her.

"No, there's three of you."

"Three?" He thought about it for a moment. "The one in the middle?"

She squinted. "Okay. I do."

"You do what?" He laughed, stumbling as he took another step and wrapping his arms around her to keep himself upright.

"Take you to be my awfully married husband." She grinned, wrapping her arms around him as well.

"Don't think that's how it goes...but okay," he said before kissing her cheek.

She turned her head and kissed him on the lips.

Holding her tight he returned the kiss and a moment later pulled back, a wide smile on his face. "You taste like booze."

"So do you," she informed him.

Bosco nodded his head then took her hand so they could stagger down the street together.

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk as they were approached by Bobby Caffey and Alex Taylor. "I see dead people."

His eyebrows furrowed and he squinted. "We must be drunk."

"Ya think?" She giggled. "He looks pretty good for a dead guy."

"Hey! Don't talk about that when your wife is around--I mean husband!"

"Sorry." She didn't sound very contrite, though her eyes widened when Alex walked right through them. "Whoa! Trippy!"

"That's nothin'. I can do that," Bosco told her as he turned and tried to walk through her.

"Ow!" She glared at him as he bumped right into her.

"Dammit! I thought for sure I could do it."

"Man, this is even worse than last year's spoof fic they wrote," Taylor mumbled, glancing at Bobby.

"No kidding." He shook his head. "They should have stuck with -serious- stories where we come back to -help- people. Not witness drunken displays."

"I suppose we could help them into a rehab center."

Bobby sighed and looked at Bosco and Faith. "Nah."

"You're right. Let's go see how many other people we can freak out instead!" She skipped down the sidewalk.

"Okay, but I wanna be the one who gets to walk through the next couple!"

"Only if you can catch up!" She took off running.

Bosco watched as Bobby bolted after Taylor. He shook his head. "Idiots."

"Definitely."

"So whadda we do now that we're married?" He questioned as they started walking again.

"I think we have to consume the marriage."

"We're good at consuming."

"We've never done it...how would you know?"

"But we just consumed a bunch of booze, so..."

"Oh." She looked confused. "True."

He shrugged. "But we could go find out if we're good at it."

Faith grinned. "I think I'd like that." She grabbed his hand.

"All right!" He tugged on her hand as he started to jog the best he could in his drunken state.

"Bosco." Her voice was very soft. "Merry Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Faith," he murmured.

She gazed at him as he lay in his hospital bed. Touching his hand, she leaned over and kissed his forehead.

Feeling her lips on his skin he slowly opened his eyes, as his vision cleared he looked around the room, slightly disoriented.

"Hey there," she whispered.

He swallowed hard and turning toward her he squinted. "Faith?"

"Hmm?"

"What's goin' on?" He asked softly.

"I just came by to visit. It's Christmas Eve."

Bosco carefully pushed himself up into a sitting position and looked around the room again. "I'm in the hospital, right? I haven't left?"

Her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "No, you haven't gone anywhere."

"So...you and me...we didn't get drunk at Haggerty's tonight?"

A faint chuckle escaped her lips. "No."

Laying back against the pillows he let out a breath and slowly ran a hand through his hair. "I coulda swore..."

"You were just dreamin'," she said softly, stroking a hand lightly over his forehead.

"I think they better change the painkillers they're given me," he said, closing his eyes. "We got drunk and were singin' stupid songs...and then..."

"Then what?" she asked curiously.

A small smile touched his lips. "We were gonna find a snowman to marry us."

Faith raised her eyebrows. "Oh-kay."

"Like in that one Christmas song."

"'Walking in a Winter Wonderland?'"

"Mmhmm." He nodded his head then opened his eyes to look at her again, his smile widening.

She couldn't help but smile back. "Musta been some dream."

"Yeah." He reached for her hand. "You're cute when you're drunk."

A soft chuckle escaped her. "You wouldn't think that if you actually saw me drunk."

"Maybe when I get outta here...

"Don't count on it." She winked at him.

"It was worth a try."

Faith smiled. "Well, if you're good, we'll see."

He raised an eyebrow. "What do I gotta do to be considered good?"

"I can't believe you're willing to be good just to see me drunk." She shook her head in amusement.

"Actually...I'm willing to be good just so we can hangout together."

"Well, we can do that anyway."

"Okay, then let's go for the drunk part too," he said lightly.

She chuckled again. "Like I said...we'll see."

Bosco grinned. "Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Kiss me," he told her softly.

"W-what?"

"Kiss me...on the lips," he whispered.

"Bosco," she whispered, her voice hushed as she gazed at him in shock.

"Come on, it's Christmas."

Hesitating a moment, she leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, closing her eyes.

His eyes drifted shut as he returned the gentle pressure. When she pulled away he smiled.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered.

"Even better than I dreamed," he whispered back.

Faith smiled, her eyes sparkling as she gazed at him.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "Thanks for coming by."

"Oh, I'm not leaving. I'm here to spend the evening with you."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," she said softly, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

"Do me another favor?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Pinch me," he whispered. "Cause I must still be dreaming."

Faith shook her head slightly. "It's no dream."

He sat up slowly and kissed her once more. "You're right. That definitely felt real."

Sliding her arms around him, she kissed him back, leaning her forehead against his.

"Thanks for bein' here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"Good to hear."

She touched his cheek, hesitating a second, then kissing him once more on the lips. "Merry Christmas, Bosco," she whispered against his mouth.

He smiled against her lips. "Merry Christmas, Faith."


End file.
